i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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