Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
