My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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