She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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