lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
