the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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