You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
