I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
