Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
