It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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