I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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