so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just found a bag of teeth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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