When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
