CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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