hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
