He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
