i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My liver is preforming stress tests.
These tits shall not be calmed
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
