New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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