You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
