i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
