Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
