She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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