Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
