I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
