Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she woke up with a sticky ear
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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