My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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