Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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