Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
