you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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