Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
