I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
