So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
