oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
