he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
