I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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