Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
