JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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