I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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