just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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