Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
