i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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