Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
grandma shit on top of the toilet
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
