Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
