i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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