using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
