I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
