Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
