:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
