when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
