I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.