I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?