just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend