After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots