and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital