A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
