id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
