I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't turn off my feet"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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