no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight