I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
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You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it