Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though