i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
