Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
