I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Randomize
