I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
