I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
pop tarts are not kleenex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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