direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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