I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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