weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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