I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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