I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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