And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
