i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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