The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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