Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
