I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
