all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
