susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
