being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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